AYNSLEY:
I feel so fortunate that Mom has had a string of such good days. When she was first diagnosed, all I kept thinking was that I wanted however many days she had left to be as good and meaningful as possible. I've seen chemo ravage healthy, vibrant people. I've heard stories of treatment ultimately ending patients' lives before their cancer does. And I did not yet know what a fighter Mom is. Faced with her options, I don't know that I would have chosen the way she did. But knowing that she was in full control of her treatment choices allowed me little time to question; my role has never been decision maker, it's only been full support. So I supported every choice she's made along the way. I don't give advice, I don't research options, I just support her decisions. And knowing that she's intending to fight and live as long as possible, I try to give her milestones to reach. Moving our wedding up was partly to give her motivation to be in this world to see it. Though we didn't "try" to get pregnant, the rapidity with which that happened makes me think that meeting her grandchild may be another attainable milestone to reach. In any case, it's something positive and joyous to talk and dream about right now.
Setting milestones aside, I'm still trying to practice living in the moment and not get ahead of myself. Presently, Mom seems to be on an upswing. She's feeling well and sounding strong. The days are good and meaningful.
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