2.9.11

AYNSLEY:
Wow. I was so out of it last night, I wrote the date as January 8th instead of February 8th. And didn't notice it until tonight when I looked again at the blog stats.

Someone asked me how it felt to be back, assuming that now that I'm home, I have time to relax and am enjoying free time. Not exactly. Today is a good example of an average day: I taught a spinning class at 6:30am, went to work from 9:30am to 7:30pm, where I taught a sculpting class at 6:30pm, got home by 8:15, caught up with my parents for a half an hour, then caught up with Gary before he went to bed at 10. I'll probably get to sleep at midnight. Today was a good day: I didn't cry at all. Yesterday an adorable mother/daughter duo got on the train as I was going to work and I bawled the entire commute. They reminded me so much of May 2009 when Mom came to visit me for a week. I had just started dating Gary, had just moved into my very first solo apartment and was the happiest I've ever been. We went to IKEA, where she patiently waited out 3 of my meltdowns. We went to camp for Women's Wellness Weekend, where she outdanced me on Saturday night. She helped me decorate my apartment, I made her kale and eggs for breakfast; it was such a delicious time for us, blurring the mother/daughter line, crossing into true friends.

So now I'm trying to find the aspects of her strength and positive outlook in my DNA. I'm going to have to learn how to go to IKEA alone and put the meltdowns aside. I'm going to have to buy a wedding dress that she can't see, and she can't help me with, and trust that somewhere I must have absorbed her patience and perseverance. I won't pretend that I have anything close to her taste, but with enough patience, maybe it won't matter.

The good news of the day is that Mom is eating better. When I left, she was literally eating one bite of each item on her tray, and that was it. Maybe 6 bites of food a day. The past three days, she's been doing more than 6 bites at each meal. And this morning, those 6 bites were eggs and cheese, which I'm ecstatic about-I know she was loving the cream of wheat, but eggs and cheese are so much more calorie dense! Another positive is that she's now going to get an anti-nausea drug intravenously, which is great. Anything to reduce what she has to swallow is awesome. And they're going to increase her pain medication in the hopes that will help with her stomach discomfort as well. So, maybe she'll really be able to get a lot of food in her in the next couple of days. A couple of days ago, she said she would love to be able to eat an entire challah-it's not her appetite that's preventing her, it's the stomach pain. So, here's to pain meds working, stomach/espohagus healing and eating an entire challah. Amen.