Sunday, February 20, 2011


The good news is that the yeast that's growing isn't some mutant resistant strain and should be easily treated. The bad news is that it's there at all, and that it accompanies the other infection. But the doctors are working on treating everything and are optimistic that Mom will respond well to the treatment.

Last night was a sleepless night for both of my parents. Mom was exceedingly uncomfortable, so they were both up all night, trying various remedies to get more comfortable. By 7pm today (PST) Mom was feeling much better. She had an appetite and a little bit of energy for visitors. They are still planning to go back to KGH tomorrow, though what time isn't clear. Dad continues to eat well at Overlake.

The visitor energy is a double edged sword. While Mom is always happy to see visitors and she perks up and feels well when they're here, once people leave, it becomes very clear that entertaining guests takes a lot out of her. One of the problems is that Mom doesn't have a mean bone in her body (it's unclear how I got so many mean bones) and she has a very hard time turning people away or asking for breaks when she needs them. Under normal circumstances, this is what it is. Mom recuperates during the week day from having the steady stream of visitors on the weekends and evenings. She basically sleeps when she's not eating or getting physical therapy or occupational therapy.

The problem is that now we have the wedding to deal with. Right now, it's still manageable-wedding planning takes place in small groups of very close friends and family who are aware of Mom's limits even when she's not showing her fatigue. My concern is that when the day gets closer, she's going to want to put more energy into it. That she's going to take what force her body needs to fight the cancer and infections and grow stronger, and waste it on frivolous nonsense. My other huge concern is that the wedding guests are going to want to spend time with her. Of course they are-90% of the people who are attending are coming to this wedding because they feel it's the right thing to do for Mom. Which is so well intentioned. It's so hard to criticize things that are done in the name of love (but here I go). Mom will not be able to enjoy the wedding if she's been entertaining guests that day, or the day before. It's going to be impossible for me, but even I can't spend that much of the day with her-I'll be taking pictures with Gary and probably doing something ridiculous to my hair. I'm hoping that we can spend some quality time together, just the two of us, in the morning, then let her rest and sleep so she can sit upright for the hour and a half the wedding and reception will be. Sitting up is exhausting. I just want to make sure people understand that they will not be spending quality time with Mom at the wedding or during the wedding weekend. The whole point of getting married at KGH is so she can be present and enjoy it-that means not being swarmed by well wishers and definitely not being exposed to a plethora of germs. More than two people at a time is disorienting, especially in a noisy room. Her birthday party was a perfect example of how things should go: everyone got about 5 minutes of one on one time, which she enjoyed and it allowed them to show her a little personalized love.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Aynsley,
    You and Gary, and your immediate families, get to decide how many people to invite. Under the circumstances it is totally reasonable to limit the guests to a tiny number. Anyone who feels badly about being excluded must recognize that your Mom's health, and the ability for you to celebrate this joyous day with her and as you want to, are the major priorities.
    Stay in your truth! And being protective of your Mom is NOT mean, but the contrary.
    Love to you all,