Mom always celebrated the holidays, even if they had nothing to do with her. On Cinco de Mayo, she made tacos and mojitos. I remember her enjoying a green beer or two on past St Patrick's Days. But today I didn't even mention it. We spoke briefly, her voice bright as always, asking about my day, keeping track of my silly schedule. She brushed off her day, but I got the gist: nausea, vomiting, weakness, fatigue. She didn't feel well enough do do physical therapy or occupational therapy. She vomited her pills in the morning and was sick again in the late afternoon, while waiting for dinner. Her stomach was empty, so she just got the burning sensation. Obviously, no appetite after that.
Her anti-nausea medication was increased yesterday. Clearly, it's either not kicking in yet, or not the right dose, or not the right medication. And I'm still haunted by the why. Why is she nauseous now? How can we make her not nauseous?
The sickest I have ever been was on a cruise-I was so seasick that I couldn't walk. For two days, I crawled on the floor to get from the bed to the bathroom. Horrible. Though, true to the nature of memory and pain, I can't actually physically remember what it felt like in my body. I just know it was awful. And it seems like Mom is just on one big torturous ship right now-nothing is making the seasickness go away and no one knows what's causing it in the first place. I would give anything to make it stop. I'm just hoping for a much better day tomorrow.