Saturday, January 1, 2011


Happy New Year! Today was a magical day. In addition to the perfect balance of ones in the date, Mom was leaps and bounds better. She had significantly more strength in her body: standing (with assistance) without shaking, moving her legs on their own, pulling herself up with her arms, lifting and holding her head off the pillows. She had a wonderful physical therapy session and sat in a chair for about a half an hour before going back to the hospital bed. She didn't need ice packs on her neck or lower back. She took two awesome, uninterrupted naps. Her appetite was good, her energy was good and her mood was...well, she oscillates between sweetness and persnickety.

She got a phone call from a dear friend and was so happy to talk on the phone, she got a visit from her rabbi friend and was so happy to describe her personal philosophy of healing within a support group (ripples like a snail's shell, starting with just immediate family and extending more and more until hundreds of people are joining in and praying together), she got a great massage and was so happy to learn to stand up from bed on her own. And then she was a bit annoyed with Dad for not helping her brush her teeth. And a bit annoyed with me for pushing her to eat when she wasn't hungry.

I take the annoyance as a super good sign. I feel like she's starting to feel more normal in her body and doesn't want to have to stay in a hospital bed-she's such an active person and it's frustrating to hear that the sun is shining and the mountains are out and she can't enjoy it. In my mind, if she was still in so much pain, she wouldn't care-she'd simply keep hitting the pain button and drift off into sleep.

When I spoke with Gary for our mid-afternoon check in, he reminded me to enjoy the good days. That really resonated with me. There will be more bad days. There may be many more bad days than good days. There may be days when we all lack the strength to get out of bed, to stop crying, to face the world. But that wasn't today. Today I held my mom's hand as she slept, rubbed her back as she sat up and massaged expensive face cream into her temples. Today we laughed as she regaled us with stories of her sorority sisters, today we enjoyed amazing cookies baked with love by a coworker, today we sang AMEN and meant it with the Mi Sheberakh.

Soon I will have to go back to New York and that will be a difficult transition. I'm hesitant to make plans and appointments, especially professional ones. I'm paralyzed with wedding plans-should I book the DJ or cancel the venue? How will I adjust to being needed in two different places? I can't know and can't make any decisions right now. I just have to take Gary's advice and enjoy the good days. Like today.


  1. Flynne and Family,
    I'm so happy today was a wonderful day. Standing up and sitting in a chair and having some time to begin to gain your strength. Hooray! Happy New Year indeed. I'm singing the Kellar fight song now in my head after Greg mentioned it..."onward to victory, heh, heh, heh!" I just looked at the photos of Marci, you and me giving Mark a big kiss and the Charlie's angels girls. Those photos stay on my refrigerator always. A friend of mine just saw your photo, Flynne, and she commented on how beautiful you were--if only she knew that was only the tip of the iceberg to the beauty and fierce strength inside. You have every ounce of my love, fight and blessings. My sister Marcie and her woman's group sent up prayers and blessings for you over a bonfire in Crested Butte on New Year's Eve. Keep up the fight, Flynne. Thank you Aynsley for your beautiful, loving, honest blog. Flynne, you are on my mind always, and the first thing I do in the morning is look for Aynsley's comments to see how your day has gone. Love and blessings and strength.
    Kimbo xoxo

    (I also sent you an email to your gmail account)

  2. Happy New Year! Love and healing hugs from New York. Can we send you a Hop On T-shirt?

  3. So happy to hear that the New Year started with such a wonderful day!! Kisses and hugs to you Flynne!

    Aynsley - you have clearly inherited your mother's strength and and you're handling everything with such grace and honesty. I know how hard it will be for both you and your mom when you finally must go back to NYC.

    The wedding will figure itself out over time and you are right not to make any decisions right now. The important thing is that you have Gary's support throughout this journey.

    I love you all!!!

  4. I just heard from my mom about everything that is going on. So sorry to hear about all this! We are praying for you in Peoria (and Oklahoma). Hugs to Flynne, Aynsley, Ross, and of course Totally Earl. :) Aynsley, you are doing a wonderful job helping your mom and keeping everyone informed. Flynne, I am so proud of you for being a fighter!

    Love to you all!

    Totally Louise :)

  5. Dear Flynne:
    Just heard the news tonight from Michelle. I am so sorry and want to send you healing thoughts, positive energy and all my love. You are a beautiful and vibrant woman and will beat back those nasty c cells.
    Remember the smells, tastes, colors, friendship, laughter and spirit of our Israeli adventure? Imagine the sounds of the Western wall, the Mediterranean breakfast spreads, the salt of the Dead Sea, the heat, history and views of the Masada, bursting marketplaces, long bus rides, and money changers with no teeth...
    You bring great joy to all those are graced by your presence.
    Please be patient with your self and take each day one at a time.
    Love, Jane

  6. KIMBO! Please email me your email address-Mom has a message for you and I can't access her email.

    xoxo Aynsley