Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Dammit. Three steps back. Mom has another infection. Again with the violent shivering. Again with the extreme fatigue. Again with the discomfort, the aches, the fever, the fear. They drew blood to run tests to see if they can find the source. She may go back to the hospital, but now she'll stable. Uncomfortable and tired, but stable.

The shivering is so scary. She gets so cold. Heartbreaking.

Everything about her today is heartbreaking. She was too sick to really talk to me, so she just whispered "I love you. I hope tomorrow is better."

Excuse me while I get furious.

I noticed in my post yesterday that I said Mom was craving peanuts from Citi Field. Of course, that was a typo, I meant Safeco. But instead of editing it, which is my usual morning-after typo fix, I thought about it. It's an interesting mistake for me to make. First, I don't really pay much attention to baseball anyway, so that fact that I know two stadium names at all is pretty impressive. But it also highlights the surreal world I have been inhabiting. The two places at once, two homes, not quite belonging to either place because I can't wholeheartedly commit to either one of them. It makes sense in a way, that I can't tell the difference between Citi Field and Safeco Field, that they are interchangeable in my mind. I don't really know where I am anymore.

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