I'm not gonna lie, yesterday was rough for me. I was very worried about Mom's surgery, much more than I admitted to myself. I slept fitfully Wednesday night and last night, up every few hours checking my phone, seeing if there was any news. I'm mad at the timing-I was just there. I saw the seeping, why didn't we catch it a couple of days earlier and I could have been there with my family in the waiting room?
And of course, as I am about to throw myself an indulgent pity party, I get disgusted with myself. Yesterday was rough for me? Am I insane? It was a million times rougher for Mom. Suck it up, kid, your life is fine.
And so I started counting my blessings, thinking of all the things I am grateful for:
- Mom came out of surgery well and enjoyed her (still ongoing) stay in the ICU-there are far less interruptions and she was able to rest reasonably well last night and today
- Both my parents ate well today-that's one of the beauties of Overlake
- I am able to talk on the phone with my family virtually any time I want.
- Mom had an army of support with her at the hospital last night and today all day; my absence isn't leaving a void
- Ross texted me throughout the surgery letting me know how everything was going and who all was there
- My job is endlessly forgiving of me taking phone calls during the day, taking time off at a moment's notice and otherwise being distracted
- My husband is endlessly patient with me coming home and crying, being too wound up to sleep (and therefore talking to to him at 4:30am) and taking off to Seattle at a moment's notice
- Everyone in our enormous support network's endless love and support and especially those with the willingness to continually provide meals, lattes, funny stories, supportive emails, laundry, special time with Mom, chauffeuring me to the airport at 6am...it's boundless and astounding.
- My friends and colleagues continually checking in, asking how Mom is and waiting for the reply
- Fireflies at dusk in New York City
- Being pregnant, focusing on the future, feeling optimistic