Saturday, May 14, 2011


I feel so fortunate to have the friends I have. Yesterday, I was struggling with when to go back to Seattle, how to schedule the partitioning of my life, how to control what little I have to left to control. This afternoon, I got a call from the wisest, dearest person I know (who hadn't read the blog) and was asking about my next trip out west. I was weighing the options with her, saying that it's hard to justify going back when Mom's so strong because I know the time will come when she's not strong and when she needs me more. And my dear one didn't hesitate. "Aynsley, be there when she's strong. That's the quality time. That's when you can have a relationship that's not about her being sick." Of course, she's right. It's fun to be there now. I don't have to feel like everything in my life needs to be a sacrifice or about some responsibility I have. I can go just for fun, to enjoy my family, to marvel at Mom's exponential strength gains, to go out to dinner with Seattle friends. And I can live my life in NY without feeling guilty. I chose New York. I love my life here: my home with my husband, my ridiculous hockey league, my wise and amazing friends, my enormously supportive in-laws.

I know all of our family and friends in Seattle are enjoying their time with Mom. And Mom is enjoying her time with all of them, too. Everyone brings something new and different to the table, allowing Mom to get to know her family and friends in ways that she may not have before. I definitely have. I have such a respect for everyone's dedication and continued outpourings of love. And I have enjoyed seeing this side of my mother. Ross and I were talking about it the last time I was in town. We had glimpses of this throughout our lives, but never knew the extent of her grit and perseverance until now.

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